I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
