so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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