Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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