So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
