my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
