Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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