I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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