doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
