I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
