I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
