ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
