In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
