I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
