i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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