after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
