Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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