wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
