sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
