Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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