id be glad to
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
