quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
