I love black thongs
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
