I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
