Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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