how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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