i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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