My hand turned me down
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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