I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
