did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize