i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
