Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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