im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
