Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
