The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
