sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
