batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
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I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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