New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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