Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
