After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
