I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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