i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish you could order shots online.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
this is an emotional support booty call
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
