Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My pussy is not your playground.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
