whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
