Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
