Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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