i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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