Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
