Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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