Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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