I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
