I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
