my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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