Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
