Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
