we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
