when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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