Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
