We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
