i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
