Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
