i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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