i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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