Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
