talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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