I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
