Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
