Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
