Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
