wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
