News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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