I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
