She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
