Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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