WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
