you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
