i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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