she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Damn victory sex feels great
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
